I have been trying to figure out what I really felt about Harry going to school. It's been an unsettling feeling. One that was stronger than me just missing him during the day but I'm not wandering around weeping (anymore). It's been hard to put my finger on it, to name the feeling.
Today though while talking to some friends, I figured it out. I miss the sense that we were a team. I miss that while I was definitely in charge of school and lessons, we made decisions on exactly what and how he'd learn together. I miss being able to explain to him why it was important to do something, beyond "the teacher said so."
And if I may put words in his mouth, I'd say that he misses that too. That I treated him not exactly as an equal, but as a partner in this whole education thing. He trusted that when I gave him an assignment, there was a reason behind it.
We don't have that partnership anymore. All I know is what he will tell me and honestly, that's not much. (He is 13, after all.) I know that I'm so very lucky to have had it for so long. Here's hoping we find our footing again soon. Together.
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